Extract

I have never been to war.

For over a decade I have tried to understand

What you experienced there.

I have read biographies and novels.

I have watched documentaries and blockbusters.

Trying to understand.

I have never thrown a grenade or

Watched someone bleed out into the dirt.

I have never pulled a trigger or

been hunted like an animal.

No, my love, you have.

For over a decade I watched you leave,

Knowing you might not return to me.

And try as I might,

I will never understand what happened to you there.

What you experienced time and time again.

I am at a loss.

But what you brought home from war,

On that, I am an expert.

For even though I have not looked death in the face,

I live with someone who had,

And I see its reflection in your eyes

Every day.

You see, I hate to see you hurting.

I willingly tried to take your burdens so

Together we could defeat this monster

That followed you home from war.

But I’m starting to realize

Maybe I’ve lost myself in your experiences.

I’ve taken on more than I should,

Hoping it would ease your load.

I need to extract myself from your pain.

For both of our sakes.

And let you stand on your own two feet.

Then maybe if I learn to stand on mine,

We can put this war,

(Both yours and mine)

Behind us at last.

-Helen